arual.

six o'five.

Thu, 27 Mar 2008 22:58:54 GMT

NEWS UPDATE:

-I GOT THE JOB AT LACOSTE!!!!

-i am so excited. it is such a good opportunity to get experience within the industry and will look so good on my resume. plus i get a 70% discount. psssshha that almost puts it in my price range.
-the fashion show was a success.
-i found an amazing record store yesterday that is like five minutes from my house and i got 3. elliott smith, fats domino, and devo. i couldn't believe it. i almost went back today but i can't waste all of my loan money on records and doo-dads and new clothes. maybe i will go back next week.
-i started a new painting. it's a self portrait.
-my keith haring presentation went well. after i laid awake for two entire nights worrying about it. thank goodness. =)
-my new sewing machine is amazing.
-i have been obsessively watching space documentaries. they have entire documentaries on anything you can think of. the cosmos, dark matter, black holes, what have you. there is an great series about space that was aired on BBC narrated by Sam Neill (jurassic park), and ever since i finished those i can't stop. i almost feel like there is nothing else worth learning or thinking about at the moment. definitely a contributing factor to my sleep deprivation.
-my 21st birthday is some day soon. april 7, 2008. i think we might go bowling. because bars are for bimbos.
-kimya dawson april 19!
-oh and i am thinking new york soon.

i am eating soup. this is risky business.

Fri, 25 Jan 2008 01:10:20 GMT

the temperature when i woke up for school this morning fell somewhere below zero degrees fahrenheit. and having to crawl out from under my electric blanket, step outside, and drive away in my frozen car could certainly be considered some form of torture. perhaps like biting into ice cream with sensitive teeth.

since my last post:

-christmas was a delight. i searched for weeks for ugly festive sweaters for each and every one of my family members which was not an easy task. it took much thrift store digging. but i was successful. and everyone participated which made my day. although the photos i have to show for it are completely inadequate because i was too busy playing guitar hero.

-i spent new years at tone bone and megan's. we drank margaritas, ate pizza, and danced to hall and oats and destiny's child. we also made another rap it could be the best.

-i went to los angeles. for a week or so. some highlights of my trip would be: honoring the tradition of box canyon by donating yet another toilet down the mountain, the comedy club and sarah silverman, the getty with chelsea, ryan gosling at in n out, H&M, jamba juice, morgan and weston liggera, the cocktail party and boxed wine, my fake fur coat from hidden treasures for $1, some millionaire beach house including an original picasso and multiple keith haring originals and a latte maker, gravity hill in the scion, lots and lots of mates of state (it had been a while), the jewish deli with chelsea, chinatown and asian candy, driving to las vegas with smellodie, seeing people i had not seen for a long long time, and being harassed while using the red man jack n the box bathroom.

-upon my return...i immediately returned to school. it has been wonderful so far despite the weather. i really love my history of modern art class and also the fact that i will soon possess the ability to make patterns for clothing. i have started applying for summer internships. in both los angeles and new york. i am going to submit a garment or two for the fashion show in march. I also promised this girl that i would model for her. scary stuff.

-dani and wes are here in kansas now. for about a month or so. we have much to do and little time. also my brother will be turning 26 tomorrow.

-laura.

next semester:

Wed, 26 Dec 2007 23:26:08 GMT

- CAD(computer assisted design)- pattern design.
- CAD - garment design.
- image management.
- business communications.
- art history - 20th century.

it should be a pretty good one. i am taking 14 hours. i am excited for it but also a tad bit weary. yikes for the business communications. but oh well. i will also be looking for a new job and hopefully will have an internship lined up for the summer.

christmas was wonderful. it's so nice spending so much time with my family. we did nothing but eat, drink wine, and play video games. i am obsessed with guitar hero three its the best.

in other news, i am leaving in nine days for california. to meet this guy:

hehe. i'm not funny. but really i hope it's not too cold to go to the beach and i can't wait to get me some jamba jamba. <3.

-laura diane kelsey.

things that are merry :

Fri, 14 Dec 2007 06:27:53 GMT

-my fat cat.
-our christmas tree.
-home alone and popcorn.
-christmas songggggs.
-no more finals!
-heating blankets.
-marshmallows and fires.
-going to see the nutcracker.
-my beautiful isabella.
-my brother coming tomorrow.
-christmas with my family.
-indian food. mmm.
-danielle elise osborn coming to town.
-my dressform from mother.
-plane tickets to visit chelsea, melodie, baked shrimp rolls, the beach, and jim carrey.
-warm slippers.
-driving and seeing the christmas lights.
-caramel apple cider. mmmmm.
-project runway.
-the fashion show.
-devendra banhart.
-gift shopping.
-my new gloves and scarf.
-new ugly christmas sweaters.
-finishing my porfolio.
-finishing my red coat.
-and my new cameraaaa....

from my father. he is the best.

happy happy holidays to all. <3

joey gladstone style.

Mon, 24 Sep 2007 15:41:37 GMT

just a simple update since i never ever ever post in this thing anymore...

-schoooooooooooooooooooool. is going well. despite my ongoing battle with illustration, everything seems to be smooth sailing.
-this week is kansas city's first very own fashion week. that should be interesting. crystal castles is playing the after party. cha cha cha.
-i have to start figuring out where i will be doing my internships. i only have a year to get them in. but...i just found out that we are getting an american apparel so perhaps if i apply now i can get one there by next semester. otherwise i will try urban.
-it's fallllllll. i am the happiest during this time of the year. bike rides, picnics, swings, leaves, pumpkin patches, sweaters. someone should come and enjoy these things with me.
-i am trying to save up $1,000 so i can venture to new york next semester for a careers course. but, i am also planning on LA for a couple days around new years with the old gang. who knows...we'll see. =)
-i miss my dani.
-school now. byebye.

assortiment de chocolats.

Mon, 12 Mar 2007 21:36:27 GMT

choco-holic, grandma's a chocolate fieeend.
if she doesn't get that chocolate, she can be real mean.
she wants to get that chocolate every minute she can.
when its comes to chocolate, she's the number-one-fan.

my darling dear, i was just eating a whitman's sampler and thinking of you. =)
and you know, it's funny you mention those pesky bars because that is the reason i don't like fudgesicles, because they suckskin and because of the gooey parts.

also...we went to saint phillipine yesterday and walked the trails. me, chicken, brad, mom, carla, baby in a bag, etc. and i recited.."deaf dog please be quiet". in your memory. remember when we danced in the convertible and i got bugs in my teeth?

fiftysixfortyfiftysixfortyfiftysixforty.
i love you. dag nabbit it's true.

p.s. hare rama.

jiffy brand apple cinnamon muffins.

Fri, 29 Dec 2006 17:59:33 GMT

one. as of december 18th, i have a new baby niece named isabella jayne. seven pounds eight ounces ten toes and one umbilical cord.
two. peewee herbert brought me a pink carnation and we made muffins and sugar cookies. and for christmas he got me records and clothes and boots and charlottes web the movie and the book and gummy candies and lots of fabric and thread and yarrrrn. it was the best. a cutout card of a turtle with a pink eyeball that looks like a dinosaur.
three. i have on a purple sweatshirt and red boots.
four. one enlarged kidney.
five. matching jogging suits and choreographed dance moves. at the grocery store.
six. duck hunt. popcorn. and cheap champagne out of styrofoam cups in a one room cabin in mound city.
seven. dani dani dani dani dani dani six danis. they are coming in three days.all six. if sally jesse raphael can do it then damnit so can i. hurry up already by the way.
eight. because i miss you.
nine. we made another rap. megan stephanie and i. dirteh.
ten. i want to play pop five cranium again paul molded edward scissorhands out of clay.
eleven. whoa. i saw hot rod hazel heartattack's house today. she came out with that voice, a cigarette, and an oversized looney tunes t-shirt as a night gown. ohhhh flaring nose holes. whew.
twelve. last night the labyrinth and chai teas in bed. kimmy nibbler. you have big ear lobes i like them. i want to go back to sleep.
thirty. goodnight sir.

he cut my hair.

Mon, 27 Nov 2006 14:27:23 GMT

_veggie sandwiches at weston cafe.
_my record player finally works. YAY.
_samantha jane.
_i am going to disney world.
_philip moved in with caesar and i.
_i got my class schedule. i am taking fashion fundamentals, apparel construction 1, history of costume, and business math. january 17th! yowza.
_grandparents think i should tell jokes.

love,
mark schmidt. (or doc holliday.)

OH, its purple martin time.

Fri, 17 Nov 2006 20:15:12 GMT

-alyssa, katie, paul, and i saw encino man at waffle house.
-we are going to carve my extra pumpkins.
-i start fashion design in january.
-a woman at work yesterday was wearing wwf pajama pants. i think she made them herself.
-bandaid on my right pointer.
-richard ate the tv remote. paul was a witness.

love,
larry.the scary rex.

p.s. i love you mark mothersbaugh.

so i work with kooky old ladies in a sewing factory.

Mon, 13 Nov 2006 16:59:03 GMT

you are actually the original dog trainer from flag staff. six years ago.

i misssssssssssssssss you. i cant wait to leave with you on the RRR(adical) VVV(ag) tour.
i luh yew baby. ima marry you one day.

LOVE,,,,
lolo.

p.s. you betta retire.

Wed, 26 Jul 2006 18:13:25 GMT

you best friend for life will always love you

no matter how far apart we are.
we'll always be even closer.

sasnak eybdoog.

Wed, 21 Jun 2006 06:47:25 GMT

i have arrived in california.

and...
today was the one year anniversary of box canyon! so to honor this day and to kickstart our summer we went ahead and threw off another stolen watermelon from dillons(thank you morgan), two television sets, and a one shopping cart.

and then mel found morgan a port-a-pottie and she tipped it over.

i almost forgot how much i love it here.

<3 laura.

melodie, i put some tequila in the gravy.

Sat, 17 Jun 2006 18:14:23 GMT

lauralauralaura. this is whats new.

so i have this new house. and i have come to find out that it is haunted. no kidding. the neighbors even said so. i tried to make friends with him (the ghost is an old man) but i ended up just getting really scared and having to sleep in my brothers room with the light on. wuss.

my mom let me get into my grandma's old button collection so i have been making things, taking baths, and listening to otis redding. spending way too much money on ugly things at garage sales. but it is really my favorite thing to do. if it wasn't for garage sales i wouldnt even have a wardrobe. well, except for things like undies of course. eww.

I AM LEAVING FOR CALIFORNIA ON TUESDAY!

i am so excited to see everyone. and drink jamba juice. i am working on an itinerary as we speak and jamba juice is the first thing i am to do after i get off the plane. mmmmm cant wait. i am a little sad actually though about leaving. i love my new friends. last night me, melissa sue, and chris went to eat at ihop while it was storming. and i showed them how to make the best lemonade and our waiter was nice enough to not even care and let us have unlimited amounts of lemons and sugar packets. six lemons and 15 sugars for the perfect cup. and then chris made us no bake cookies with extra peanut butter and let me play duck hunt at his house. it was nice. there are a lot of things i will miss about kansas. but i can come back whenever i want. and i am not really leaving for good this time because i have to come back for my car anyways. and who really knows where i will end up. im not really good with making plans so i try to make itineraries that are only a day long that way i am not disappointed if i dont follow them.

also, the orchid that my brother got me for my birthday died while i was gone for a long time. now that i am home a lot i have been trying to water it to bring it back to life but i dont know if it will work. sometimes i think maybe if i wouldnt have let it die things would be different but who knows and i just hope that someday we can really be best friends again. because thats all i really want. and maybe we can get ice cream or something.

love,
laura. (larry).

p.s. dear boy (dmh) with nothing hanging in his closet but a pink unicorn costume, you do not know me. but you have a special place in my heart. <3.

Mon, 06 Feb 2006 16:42:01 GMT

se·cret
adj.
Kept hidden from knowledge or view; concealed.
Dependably discreet.
Operating in a hidden or confidential manner: a secret agent.
Not expressed; inward: their secret thoughts.
Not frequented; secluded:
Known or shared only by the initiated: secret rites.
Beyond ordinary understanding; mysterious.

i enjoy dictionary terms. with you, i guess if it isn't one thing it will be the other. it's truly an amusing way we go about these things. i love it.

ATTN:
to miss melodie...if you happen to read this...I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and i miss your guts.

Mon, 21 Mar 2005 03:03:37 GMT

hello :-)
mel is me
and i'm Lauras bff
Laura decided she's never updating
so what can you do ?
but update for her

we own you

to be forced down your dirty throat:

Fri, 28 Jan 2005 21:56:04 GMT

OH, my lovely.
here, i'll tell the story from where it began:
with just the bottled lie of you and me,
(on that hill with the view, i know you remember.)
battling a collide with the arrogant sea...

oh, my dear other half...

Wed, 26 Jan 2005 02:27:39 GMT

we're bad.
what we do.
stupid fools.

soo...

new hair.

A NEW KITTY!!!

AND a new sn: isexfatdudes.thanks to my lover, jason. duh. haha.

love...
laura.

p.s. happy birthday bradley nelson raper. even though you won't read this. i love you.

good hair means everything.

Mon, 10 Jan 2005 08:06:04 GMT

so tonight...i lurked like an overanxious human machine.
the elegant transformation. the three piece suit.
there i was again. again. again. and aGAIN...at a LOSS.
(oh english language, you're too good to me.)
skimming the outskirts, darkest hours, wastes of oxygen, and the
no-longer-well-kept secrets of this oh so guilty little town.
you know i missed you.
you know i missed you.
but all i have to know is that you kissed her.

driving down 169. and why is he with me? his voice is changing.
its 6:30. a.m.
the sky is leaking through itself. a soft lavender so far.
each new pair of headlights looks like the sun for a second
from behind each approaching hill.
he is asleep. passenger seat. new cd.
so i put last night into perspective.
the drawing of my face on the wall.
he says he burns them.his work. i wonder.
i wrote my words on his wall.
i still have charcoal on my fingertips and in nails.
all i am is a black ballpoint pen. in a room overflowing
with speak. sound. words. speeding tongues.
me, yeah i'm opening up..to this empty cup. withbluelinesandbirds.
i guess its like a souvenir now. eww, where did laura go?
here..you can have it.
it smelt in his trailer, like dogs. and dope. and death.
but i did enjoy deciphering his mumbled breath, the slight accent.
i finally managed to leave. promising he could finish the drawing sometime.
but i hope i never see him again.
so moving on, we have...my desperation for the old love, oh so relentless.
this cycle is breaking me. it's breaking me. breaking me into halves.
fourths...eighths...sixteenths...
haha, how weak can one become?
well lets not answer that.

oh! and there it is! 6:41 a.m...
and oh, here i am. a subtle deformity. witnessing the birth of yet
another day.
another sunrise.
from the depths of a previous night i soon wont remember.
is that voluntary or involuntary?
either way...im staring directly at the new sun, new day,
i almost couldnt remember how it felt when it began to come up.
an awkward experience.
always rushing up on me so fast.
always seems like i must have dropped some time out of my pocket
somewhere along the way.
always reaks of cold hands, stiff jaws, paranoia.
always wanting to cry.
always seems like i should be home hugging my mother.
and apologizing for what i've done to the body
she gave me, again.
now the 'loss of myself' thoughts creep in. close the door.
FUCK. not right now. not this time. please, laura. please.
it's such a ruthless loneliness. i squirm in my seat.
and want and wish i was somewhere else. but im receiving no mercy.
the last in line. im falling..falling...just like every other time.

so
i look at him. asleep.
i want to feel love.
i want to feel love.
i want to feel love.

now im silently begging under cold air sheets for this 'love'.
the one i speak of above.
or atleast a blackhole.
the realization:
this is it, my dear. and has been all along.
carrying remains of today's shallow death in my shaky palms.
it only made me ill. in it's transformation of weakness.
and it's fowl odors.
something i've done is terribly wrong.
i just wanted it to suffer. like i had. choking on my vomit
with every single taste.
you shouldnt tempt me...or i will have to use you.
and just throw you away.

so, i dug it an unworthy grave.

a voice, mine, speaks...

'laura, this mechanical substitute for your anatomy is like a ticking
time bomb. the loose threads of this chemically-coated replica of
your brain's makeup, they're never going to function as a nervous
system. and this leaking red box burrowed in the ribcage:
a worthless simulation. rattling the bars faster. faster.
a story,like an old ugly hand me down dress. worn and torn. fading.
it's not yours. not beautiful at all.
but did you want it to be this way?

oh wait a minute, i think i remember this now. OH YES, i do remember this
feeling. your faulty fingers and their decisions.
my reluctant acceptance of this...times before,
and the following EMPTY time capsule, in which you swore you had hid our
childhood heart. pure and uncalloused.
just GONE. leaving only cobwebs and dust inside.
and i believed you.
i fucken believed every word you spit.'

-cries-
"oh! my precious, precious possession!
how i cherished it so.
how i could feel it beating inside of me, letting me know i was
still alive. letting me feel alive. loving it so.
and it allowed me such love.
the definition. attachment. understanding."

"but i knew it was too ideal for the
world to accept...i knew the day would once destroy it.
so...i killed the day.
so it could kill me.
now the day is buried and i wont tell myself the truth.
i wont tell where i hid it."

"but you! why me!? it was your (our) one purity.
you are the pieces of me i discard. chew up. and spit out.
what have you fallen for anyway?
you have allowed it to bend and break you..
you have allowed it to sink into your skin..
look at you! you are trading your insides for these
stained, synthetic organs and your pathetic
cardiovascular lie.
for what? the pleasure of inhaling chemicals?
the touching of your dirty bodies?
or do you want to die?
because you're already dead, my dear.
you're already dead..."

just listen, i will tell you...

A RETROSPECTION:

its the irreplaceable cell i had always dreamt i could hold in my hand,
to pamper and nourish it like it were my child.
knowing i wouldnt do so, even if granted the chance;
simply too faultless. too pure.
to subject this beautiful virgin apparatus of mine, (of ours),
to the repulsive excuse of existence that had become of the
world?
to the ocean of impurities it had never felt or seen, but existed
everyday outside the body,that body of ours. it was its home;
the familiar walls. (the only walls...) content. CONTENT?
(and oh, our flawless skin. like the
photos of our lengthy stems, a smooth vibrant milky white,
like a porcelain doll, seeming almost too fragile to touch.to caress.
but made you feel so feminine and elegant...made you love being a
girl in ridiculously high heels, red lipstick, and curls.
of course, this was before scar tissue had infected and spread
all over it like a virus.
before YOU saw her,that girl,and those dramatic habits she possessed.
before YOU had determined that self-inflicting pain and paralyzed
wounds onto yourself was just self-help and dark,powerful,art.
that being comfortable and cautious with these seven layers
(stretching themselves over your bones like plastic wrap; oh no,
you cant breathe.) was blind.blind.blind. they should be ripped away.
maybe youre right. maybe the whole world is corrupt,spoonfed, & blind.
but maybe its just you.
laura, look what i have let you do to me.)

to allow it to be fingered, triggered, and groped by the squalid
touches; the parading of these miserable, chaotic beings to see
something that can just keep them from their own lives for SECONDS.
something better and more exciting than the usual reality show or
magazine. a day away from their perverted ways and masquerade.
to let them come in packs, selfish scavengers, just like
wolves: only with less hygiene, less beauty and grace, and a universal
disgust for their entire species, from anyone and anything, but
more so just a disgust in themselves.

I'M disgusted by them, completely.
i'm disgusted with myself. this life, and it's unworthiness of that
title.the awful truths and prolonged amounts of
meaningless touch, but while i'm out here
drowning in this filth...
YOU, you are so well preserved. there in your bodily fluids.
just like a fetus in the comfort of a mothers womb, my womb.
except prodigal.
profoundly pure.
genuine.
it will neverchangeneverchangeneverchangeneverchange.
(just like you once said you wouldn't.)

that is...

UNTIL YOU NEED TO SACRIFICE IT FOR YOUR OWN SELFISH VOID.
UNTIL YOU'RE ALL WASHED UP, ALL STRIPPED OF ANY LAST LIFE.
WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU, LAURA?
DROWNING BENEATH THE CURRENT OF THE SAME TIDE AS ALL THE REST.
SUDDENLY SHORT OF BREATH. AND GIVING UP. GIVING IN.
where did you lose it, you ask? oh..you dont understand?
well...
you threw it away, remember?
you pawned our heart.our treasure.for those unhealthy hands.
it's genius complexity. it gave us life.
and you gave it up for sleepless nights,rotten teeth,and weight loss.
your new heart; a worthless mess of tubing and cigarette burns.
and now your blood is acidic. now slowly eating your
veins and vessels away, i see.
watching them rupture through your now colorless skin.
and what we had is dead.

i cant believe you did this to me.
i cant believe you did this to me.
i cant believe you did this to me.

well. clean your fingernails, love.
it's time for our wake.

there are so many things wrapped around eachother in there. so many things to say yet nothing said. it would be nice to display pretty pictures of us. but im just being selfish i suppose. actually it doesnt matter either way. this is all just some pointless popularity parade anyways. so today the snow here is melting. but i don't take the time to notice. the boy at the gas station thought i was dying. but it helped and made me laugh. i watched that movie again. yeah that one. i've decided that living off of movie quotes (as i do) is the absolute best way to live. ever. my eyes hurt. i need to take them out. i lost my scarf. and gloves. again. but it's ok. if i could paint a picture of you. i would. and it would be so beautiful. but it wouldn't matter. in its lifeless being. lack of dimensions. there's no room for all those things. all those truths you need to hide, my love.

half of the time we're gone but we don't know where,
and we don't know where.

...laura.

don't forget. i remembered when you were beautiful.

Sun, 09 Jan 2005 07:36:25 GMT

ROSEMARY, oh heaven restores you in life.

.california: (.damien rice. polaroids. coastline. 50 cent tattoos. dodge stratus. deja vu. canyon roads. cigarettes. zebra print shirts. bottom bunks. garden state. rain. gangsta beats. jack n the box. sushi. terminals. hours. i missed you. you. you. you. you.) :kansas.

low. low. low. low. low. low. low. low. low. low. low. low. low. low. low.

my shoes are wet.

Mon, 01 Nov 2004 03:46:52 GMT

still i wear the red dress.
paint my toes and twirl.
take it back to old times.
back when i was still a girl.
'cause now i'm all baboon boys.
coochie coochie coo.
sort of wonder why..
i missed a kiss for you.

katie and i went trick or treating tonight. there were huge puddles everywhere to jump in. it was fun. and i got now and laters. the best ever.
it was weird though. because no one had porch steps it seemed. only a couple. all odd too. counting them while going from door to door used to be my favorite thing while walking with my mom on halloween. she would wait for me at the bottom. and when i got down she would ask me how many and i would tell her. and i would be happy if it was an even number.

i hate sleeping. my feet are freezing and i want to go watch eternal sunshine. but i wont.

i hope you are having a wonderful halloween.

love...
laura.

ingredients: holywater.roots.cloud shapes.trees.

Sat, 30 Oct 2004 09:19:11 GMT

i received a beautiful letter today. wrapped in a beautiful envelope. sent from a most beautiful boy. and due to this...life was beautiful today, thank you.

i listen to your salt shakers. hehe. it gives me hope. and i cross my fingers...

i need to buy some bubbles. and wigs. and silly string. i have been missing out.

love...
laura.

p.s. dear god, please turn me in to harriet the spy. i will even supply the yellow raincoat.

"i'll give you two dollars if you turn out the light and sing me a night-night song."

Fri, 29 Oct 2004 07:38:24 GMT

i dont know how to tell you a story:

an experiment; merely.
crash the walls down. topple.topple.
funding for mother's bills was short.
but, living.
you died at an early age.
bathtub's overflowing with wine and i'm
still looking, yes?
where have i misplaced my glass?
please sir, only one more grape...two.three.four.
stripes.the sun's fingers keep drawing them.
pointing and placing them.
wearing timeless holes in mother's furniture.
curtains.couches.cadillac.
but mother, all of my sunflowers are still yellow.
the brown; putrid so shallow.
surgeon general rang and cigarettes turned out
to be a scam.
the only burns with beauty on your sofa must be
painted; with a magnifying glass.windows.
or lightbulbs.
deep burgundy brown.
hairdye seeping through the cells of your soft skin.
stop.stop it now you must.
it was just a test; merely.
but there is so much beauty in her debt.
and coffee never tasted so good.

...laura.<3.

p.s. my new favorite thing is walking around outside alone at 2 in the morning. drowned in moon. in only a night gown. barefoot. and smashing all the wet leaves under my pads and heels. cracking between my toes. and not being in the least bit cold. it was amazing...

p.s.s. i cant wait to trick or treat. i have decided i want to actually be scary this year. well atleast scary to me. which prolly isnt too scary. im so excited. also. katie and i are making goody bags for everyone who will be attending their party on saturday. the house with the strobe lights spider webs and zombies. 10 feet from the graveyard. scarymovie fest. and cupcakeeeessss!! i dont watch scary movies...but they said they will fit in rocky horror as well. so it should be wonderful. we are putting together our costumes tomorrow...oOoh. i cant tell you what i'm gonna be yet because its a secret. but i cant wait. i'm going to look the deadest scariest EVER. hehe.

and oh my love...you're all i need.
goodnight.

i drooled on your pillow last night.

Thu, 28 Oct 2004 02:56:17 GMT

i didn't go to school today. instead...i spent the day alone listening to my favorite old girlie songs and dancing and singing in my room.

i think i am going to continue to seclude myself from the people here. i think i need to. i think i need you. so...i will just wait. and wait. and wait. read the dictionary. and maybe by the time i'm done. waiting that is. everything will be clear and available and easy. simple. and i will learn new things. like how to sew. so when im able to steal my heart back and i rip it from the dirty hands of all the fabricated people i have tried to become...i can fix it back up. and give it a brand new pink dress. and together we can fall in love with you again.

driving today was nice. because along with my cigarette and the perfection of the decemberists...i was so in love with the colors. and the rust and corroded structure of this hidden bridge. skipping over the missing wood planks. but not one bit safer on the sketchy ones that do still remain. weathered and crumbling to pieces. falling and floating away with the water beneath them. i loved it.

the song i am listening to right now is amazing. but i'm not going to tell you what it is.
i think tomorrow i will go on a scavenger hunt. i need to make my list.
goodbye.
love...
laura.

one beautiful moment i'll never forget is tied in a bow around my finger.

Tue, 26 Oct 2004 19:53:58 GMT

the last two weeks have been so wonderful that it's almost like i wasn't living for them...but i must have been. because now...i am back to the same feelings that i remembered. again. it has only been a couple days and i'm already losing touch with who and where i am. or why i need to accept responsibility for anything when it all just seems like such a waste of time. so i take up that time...smelling things in order to not forget them, chewing bubble gum, smoking cigarettes in the rain, and pretending that i can see you again soon.

i want to get mini sailboats. and race them up and down the little rivers forming along the curbsides of my street.

i really miss you. nothing feels right. and it didnt seem this hard before. i havent even spoken to you. that is what makes it all seem so surreal. sometimes i believe that it never happened. and i have finally fallen so far into my ridiculous ideas and dreams that i am just lost in them somewhere. i suppose i would like it better that way anyway. it wouldnt matter if it was real or not. because who knows what 'real' is anyway? i just need to leave here...

look! it's you. my last dense dimensional screen. oh father, how i wish this wasn't me.

Thu, 30 Sep 2004 01:40:17 GMT

at least the leaves are falling.

love...
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